i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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