woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
