Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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