Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
