Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
