Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
