I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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