great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
