I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
