its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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