The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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