You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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