You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
