That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
