i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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