What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
