My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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