I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize