Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My feet surprised me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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