i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
