i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
