I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
