dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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