I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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