A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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