I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
