I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
