you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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