I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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