If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
