I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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