I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
