he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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