this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I could fuck to npr.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
