The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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