Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
