i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
