It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize