uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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