worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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