I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
