you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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