just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
