We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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