I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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