mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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