when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
