This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
