are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
