he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
