somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
