Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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