I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sober January is a disaster.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
