he thought i was a dude.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
