It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
