Rock
Scissors
Fuck
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
