I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize