ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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