my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
