sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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