I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The uberlube is also flammable
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
