so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
