I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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