Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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