bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
