my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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