Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
