Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
