she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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