i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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