He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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