I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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