he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
