We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
