The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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