I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
